I await you

With your yellow photograph for comfort
And the old magazines, I still remember you,
Amidst the the silent humdrum of  Mumbai
A milieu of million dots, like us
Lost, without a second stare.
Unlike , the valley you loved
Wherein you're an unspoken memory
Lost to the greed of the red river
While you tried to cleanse its stains

Rains wash away your sins,they say
Was it your act of love they loathed?
Perhaps, peace pierced through their hearts
That you stand just a dissolved blot
 Night was their excuse and you brought'em sunshine
You deserved it,they would say
You wouldn't have understood their passion
And they couldn't allow your freedom
Why didn't you stoop a little,
"Adjust" to their demands, like everyone else did
When their sons preferred blood to vermilion
For ideals they're sure they knew best

Then, it happened what I dreaded most
T'was one of those stormy nights

When darkness throttled the sunshine

Like the clouds in the crimson sky

The lines hazy as ever, loosing away......

Your absence is still a nuisance to me
 I look out of the window for you, as a habit
My vermillion  shines yet as brightly
While my prayers still await you

p.s---Wrote after seeing an Assamese movie-Ekhon Nedekha Nodir Xipare (As the river flows)

PANACEA

When the melody’s long gone, fear screams,

‘Remember me, if not in memories, through stories

Of blood split and innocence lost’

Making a mockery of the love that binds through

Few obscure lines, and few futile statistics

Rip through thousand empty hearts; their hopes

Turn saline at the confluence of their dreams

Riddles lie here, like the blood, scattered!

 Blame it on the dried tears and deaf ears

Unheard voices don’t count, lost in the clamour

Tides of youth, between mistrust and lies,

Silence echoes, in pursuit of panacea

Winged shoulders seek rest, lend yours

To soothe the scalded hearts and homes

In the light of reason, let every society rhyme

Amidst the poignant emotions, let it rain

Pregnant with hopes of a bright sunrise

Drapchi

Lost in translation
The muted chords of harmony
Reasons snuffed out
Like the tune you hum,your breath
Struggles to live, with hopes that belie
'You shall live, you shall not die !'
Break free of the chaos that reign
Thus the discoloured walls sigh !

p.s- Inspired to write after seeing a beautiful movie "Drapchi" which showcased the sad plight of people in Tibet

THE MASK

I am lonely and sad

Truth seems farce; smiles forced

And the tales stoic, like my face

A thousand, but none me

Shadows that people like to see

I’m friendly, even to strangers

With a mask, I’m one

Hiding my tears behind a lie

Of complacency, a confident me

Cry and bleed to pay for human guile

Why be judged by tears and pains

Let the world be wiser and laugh

I won’t; hence the smiley pretense

I still dream, however vain

Protect it till I’m sober again

Let’s open up our masks

I won’t know you; the lies won’t be me

And we will walk free,miles

Comforting fears while stitching a smile

Of Love and Beyond

Dedicated to my Special One on her birthday:)

I need

An empty canvas and palleteful thoughts

Few prismatic dreams, of lines and dots

Vortex of emotions wherein words stumble

Bubbles of smile to dissolve as tears trickle

Of love saline, yours and mine,

And I shall desire no more, but you

The language of those riddled eyes

I understand, the rhythms of few silent breaths

I seek

The locks to your puckered lips

Wherein lies an ocean of desires

Of love and beyond

Curled amongst the shadows, we'll stare

Till moments melt into horizon, we'll share

A timeless present, with words punctuated

Mumble

Of an imperfect me, the imperfect you

And the love that perfects us

You and I, shall converge like the rainbow

Of love and light, as time dilates

While I reserve my love for you

Smile :)

On the swampy pavement, I walk

Past the yellow pages, scattered

Amongst the plastics and few pleasantries

Like my dreams that fail to fly

And the squib passion I always deny

Until

Winds whisper while thoughts conspire

To fill my canvas with smiles

Of love, and a few timely lies

Delighted, I dance, I cry

And a smile escapes by

Thoughts thus waft on a bottomless bed

Of ruined feathers, a few dusty deadlines

And I smile, unmindful of weeping tentacles

Weaving happiness onto pricks of reality

I infect a smile, and let it spread by

Fragrant Freedom

Drifting rhythms of a smile

In resonance with the silent echoes

A void emanates

Emotions cackle as ethos scream

Inklings of paranoia I smell

Fragrance of freedom

Lost in transit the meanings within

The words on the yellow pages

Of a memoir,disposed of.

To the winds of change hopes prance

Upon memories poignant;the dreams-

A solace,amidst chaos

Sights set through vision obscure

Barefeet on barren lands,I walk

Lighting lamps in hearts

Meanwhile,peace stands tall

As egos fall

p.s- This is an experimental piece as I tried experimenting with structure and style, do away with rhymes.

A wilting bud

I am an illusion that dreams

Silent, yet unbridled conscious screams

Of ideas lost, and feelings mute

Intact, albeit with a void in pursuit


Feelings punctuated, while chaos persist
To the tunes of melancholy reasons cease
Mired in pretense,in hope faith quivers
With vexed sanity,lay mirth me-a tranquil tryst

Empty eyes on stoic faces, glances I sneak

Incoherent thoughts, their boundaries I tweak

With a smile-plastic, yet smeared with blood

I crawl, a spirit of sweat and mud, a wilting bud

Let's not Quest

T'is dark,as is the path ahead

The masks,let me shed

Don't fear,be my muse

While to emotions,tears add hues

Can't trust?

In the face of light even shadows live a lie

Like me, you too shall fade

Still,loving you,just let me try

In solitude,I find peace

Ah gossips!,if only they would cease

Reasons tumble

Seeking sanity,I find life only to fumble

Don't question

I seek no answer

Dilemmas,conflicts,I doubt them;

Beneath lies the hope I see

Someday I shall be another dream,where everyone smiles

Till then,let me dwell in the reality,walk those extra miles

In defeat,I'm gracious, you see; 

Alas! you couldn't break me

The world never understood a mad man

Why should thee?

Let me fall, burn,bruise my knee

Don't help,let me learn

Find myself,beat the dust,stand up

Enjoy the things I yearn

Reject me,you'll.You can't fathom,how I weather each storm

Of passion,let me plant some seed.Till then,just let me bleed

Bad times I wrote on sand

On stone let me write the rest

In a moment of rejoice,live

For a better dream,let's not quest

p.s-pic taken from http://bjanecarp.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/assassins-quest1.jpg

I in India

Ah! t'was futile,I lament,like thee

Searching I in India,I lost me

T'is identity crisis.

Emotions trapped in parenthesis

The world's small,yet peace needs to crawl

On poor's hunger,rich dines;India doth shines

Sue corruption,shall I?for none got its due

Values once hailed,by dirt stands veiled

Thoughts maligned and manipulated for greed

Pride's lost and I failed,for a land once mine

Life's tough,we crib and complain

What of those,whom we look down with disdain?

Bribe gods, yet unmoved by a silent plea

For basic needs,so indifferent, are we?

Naked and hungry,as they sing songs to feed

We turn our faces and munch along;wonder to where we lead

Of hatred,break the wall,why fight?

Shine even in darkness;light the hearts like the divine

Clothed and fed,of better times,may the child dream

Act,lest it remain a trashed paper scheme

Respect work and people,even those deemed low

Road to equality,let the land of Gandhi show

Why blame others, when conscience’s the key

Let thee be the change the country wants to see !

Silence

An expression unspoken, unheard

An absence so profound

Neither rhetoric nor absurd

A conversation, without a sound

T’is silence, not words

Where solace I found.

Anger or hostility, I mean not

Nor an indifferent question I shot

In silence, I love thee

No jealous doubts to hurt me

Oh please, don't gawk

Don't destroy it by a small talk

For speech, perhaps it’s the end

Yet emotions coyly lurks in the bend

A noisy void or a silent scream

In solitude, no more a distant dream

In its essence, I dissolve

Thinking afresh, I evolve.

The failures and loss, I fear not

To tears, put up a stoic defiance

Yet I broke the silence

As I speak the words I jot

Dreams

The sound of silence I hear, I feel thy desire
A dream, the mind and the soul conspire
Rationale I search, for pragmatic I am
Seek the reality, delusion I condemn

Dreams I saw, when I was raw
I owned, though they did have flaw
The ones I get, aren't mine
I don't care even if they shine

You dream in bright red,
I'm just black n white, you said
Trying to find self inside a maze
I can only think of purple haze

Restless random thoughts I experience
With hope,lay them void of pretense
Am I living the dream?I feel dazed
Yet on my path,I walk unfazed

Shifting paradigms I observe
Desire the smiling curve,
If that I deserve !

Aaji Jau Moi Aguwai

Akaxot kheli luka bhaku
Daworor asolot mukh lukuwai
Aahe mur kaasi junti,
Dubahu meli, mur kaaxole dhopoliai

Xitol sawonir maajote
Khontekiya boroxunor obujon binoni
Agrahya kori, boi mur ashru dudhari
Paio heruwar bedonat,
Kimba odhir uttejonat

Kesa ghumotir maajote sikmikai
Smritie khela luka-bhaku
Nuwaro bujibo
Xeya bukur tez ne adhorua faku

Omanixar bukut mur guji,jabole diya
Diya xeijuri nilim nayan  or xex bidai

Xukaan botahe gai jua
Mur bedonar nirob gatha
Aji nibhaj boroxune niye musi
Joli sai hua hridoyot
Xisi diye axa kitupal
Jolai diye, agosi moromor bonti

Jabole diya, aji muk heruwai
Nidiba xohari, nidiba morom uburiai

Abelir rodalir misikonit
Nixar toralir sawonit
Bukur bixaad jai xokolu heraai
Xou hahir xathor bhangi
Andharor poth bhedi
Aji jau moi aguwai

Down,with love

Today was ‘the day’; they had waited too long for it. They talked, in syllables and blabbering interspersed between the momentary silences. Silence smirks; not for them. His sweaty forehead and her dilated pupils betrayed the emotionless expression they wore.  Their eyes stood transfixed, even as tiny tear droplets flowed down her face, melting away whims and rage. They’d been in touch, the calls becoming distant and mails more formal with time; excuse being the respect for private space. The meeting place-rather public and ordinary, conspicuous by its privacy, belied its specialty to them. As emotions rose and memories flashed by, she let out a hesitant sigh-only if it wasn’t for him! Time’s cruel and rather short, he believed it won’t ever end; she knew it will, soon. As distant eyes pried, he took out the white rose he plucked for her, reminiscent of those courting days. Shots froze the words, his emotions, yet again; he fell, while his blood painted the rose red. Passion did what truth had failed to. She took it, amazed by his calm face, a voice which bothered no more. Her heart let out a faint cry, yet all she could muster was a courteous smile and a customary ‘thank you’. Crumpled sheets, did what rose couldn’t; she cried, for even he knew the plan, yet chose to be down, with love

Drunk, am I?

Depressed and lonely, art thou?
Remember the good old times
Drink and make merry
To woes and enemies alike, bid adeiu

Life's short, couple hours' show
Pain and gambles, many they are though !
A peg scotch, one sip tequeila,some rum
Few beers, and a quarter vodka to sail you through

Melancholic tunes and your smile, just intoxicating
Sad movies and lonely times, I'm feeling
Away from the crimson hues, I dance
Holding hands of my own shadow

My mind soars high, in the clouds
Like a bird, I sing aloud
I try, to hug the silvery moon
As it drowns into the sea, so soon

Not for woes, not for love,I drink
I do, so that out of my senses I seem
And I can know where to blame things on
As I cork open unbottled poetry,spot on

One more round,few more shots
And in a moment of confusion,I'd be caught
I'll also think of things to say
From play, the fray to even e-bay

Today, here I'm, high on booze
Tomorrow, you'll find me in gutters
Stinking bad,low on wit, after hangover blues
But, all this would have been so true
Had I been since drinking
Ad not sit down to write poetry,after a sip of brue

I-ii

I'm bad, so much that even devils fear

I'm good, more than an angel appear

I'm black,I'm white

Colours never know my life's plight
They no more shine bright

Maybe just little shades of dark and light !

My hands,my legs are weak
No sprints, I fight no more
Fragile I may seem, yet agile I am
My spirit,however,crumbles no more
In its quest, free like the roaring shore !

With you, I smile

Why waste a tear, in moments  worthwhile !

Truth I speak, lies I despise

Yet wonder

Can above the rest, I rise?

Of my existence, no one else know
No fear, no tensions,no fake emotions to show
Maybe I won't reach the heights you achieved
But, I also won't drop too low

Average and mediocre I am, they say
Maybe unlike you, I can't make 'today' my day !

Sometimes, even I'm confused

Standing at the crossroads,which path to choose

Explore my chances, or walk down the used?

Things I do aren't perfect

Neither am I, as my flaws reflect

You aren't either, with due respect .

Imperfections I adore

For they're the results my actions bore

At times, even as I live, I die

A rather lifeless soul, I sigh !

I love life as much as its end
Even the thrills at the crossroads and bends
Knowing how
Even the spices of life,death blends

Me

I'm not what you think
I too exist, like every other being
Like you, I too smile
Even in pains
Dance while it rains
Faceless just like you
Not for fear,but just being new
Yet
Even as you turn your back
I continue my stride forward
Making my own destiny
And shaping dreams of yours

DeathNote

I'm confused
Should cheap cocaine,few pills do?
With cover on face,hang by rope,should I?
Is drinking the cup of silence,an option?
Or should I shoot myself?

Fear not death, not life either
Tis not weakness,strength it is neither
Wish I could wipe few more tears
But,I'm dead,left all my pain and fears

Blood's all around
As if smeared on a clown
Excuse all the blood,sir
For,they know not
As to what made them spill !

Things went wrong,out of control
And maybe I too
The right to be wrong,I won't regret
For,even if I lived
No more than another lifeless soul

Who cares,if I cease to exist?
Except those
Whose tears I choose not to see
On you,If I made an impact
I'm sorry,I chose to end the strife
Between life and death,and took my life
To me,it seemed an easy way out
Don't mourn for me,shed tears of sorrow
Smile for your better tomorrow,for I'm
Just someone you're better without !

Perhaps,I will soon be forgotten
You too will talk,of a portrait I resembled
Of what I could have been
Sadly enough,you never knew
The part that was me.

How I feel,wish I could say
But then,perhaps the day is not today !

I

I can't write like you, I wish I could.
Nor the paint in the canvas I can do
You read of great people,their works
You sing,the melancholic tunes
Dance to the tune of air flowing past
Even those things I can't do.
I think
Of the green paddy-fields
The tears in a mother's eyes
See how lost an unemployed father feels
Of a son who failed himself
You say I'm Gothic,trapped in the past
I say I just love the night
The immense hope it portrays
The sun that awaits us with light
The defeat that compels us to fight back !

I sound hollow, I know I do
No matter how well-read you are
Books can't solve problems
Except sometimes, for a cue

With time,things differ
People and situations too
Evil and vain, I mayn't be
Yet,a martyr,for good's sake
To be or not to be,I wonder,I do
And I know you too

Hope high and dream big,I dare not
Tag me cynic,I know you might
With my feet on ground,eyes on the sky
Slowly and steadily I walk
'Cause that's what I have been taught
And that's how I choose to live by